


silent before it’s shearers

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Series: and love will be your teacher [4]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Awww that’s right, Azula always lies ..... or does she??, Azula is trying to get her stuff together, Azulon is here for like five seconds, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Iroh wins dad of the year award, Ozai is a literal dumpster fire 2k19, and you’ll see why, inner turmoil, it’s a multi chapter, like a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-12 05:04:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20989070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: In the beginning of the second year, when Azula is newly ten and Zuko is twelve, everything changes once again and... plans... are set into motion.





	1. flickering embers

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend reading the rest of this series first for things to make sense ^^

Zuko shouted with triumph, "Ha!" 

The expert firebender he’d been sparring with landed in a surprised sprawl on the courtyard floor, eyes wide with astonishment. Iroh smiled proudly from behind his steaming cup of tea. 

The firebender's, Ping, if Iroh was remembering properly, cheeks flushed with embarrassment at being beaten so quickly. Zuko stepped forward, holding out a hand. Ping took it and scrambled to his feet. He stood and bowed low. Zuko bowed as well. 

Iroh held out the second cup of tea, "Excellent job, Zuko!" 

The young prince trotted over to his father, gratefully taking the cup from his hands, "Thank you, father." He bowed and then quickly retreated to sip at his tea. The morning had dawned unusually crisp and cold, even for a winter month, Agni's great sky overcast. Zuko had risen with the dawn, not letting that stop his firebending practice. 

In fact, ever since the boy had been placed in Iroh's care, his firebending seemed to have grown. Fire is life, Iroh had taught and Zuko's impressionable young mind had clung to it like a moth that had been starved of light all its life. Fire is life, and with that fact now known, Zuko's inner flame had flourished. 

Iroh was inexpressibly proud of him.

A soldier came up to Iroh's side, leaned down and whispered urgently. Iroh's fingers tensed as he nodded and stood quickly. Zuko blinked, "What's wrong?" 

Iroh glanced back, something strange in his eyes, "Ah, Prince Zuko. You should... you should come too." 

Zuko followed his father, a sense of foreboding building at his back. 

They stopped at Fire Lord Azulon's chambers. The soldier stood aside to let Iroh pass. Zuko hesitated, but followed him in. He’d heard the whispers, that Azulon had taken a fever, but the tense suffocating atmosphere of the bedroom indicated a turn for the worst. 

Zuko's eyes widened as he saw Ozai and his mother, and even Azula crowded around the bed as well. Ozai's eyes flicked up to him and then trailed away as if beneath his notice. It had been a year and a half and still that dismissive gaze made him feel so very small. (A year and a half, of course, is not very long. But to a child just turned twelve, it feels like a forever ago.) 

Ozai's chilling eyes- eyes more suited to a son of Tui than Agni- settled on Iroh. Ah, there was the spark of sun, fire bubbling up into a roiling boil at the sight of his favored older brother. 

Zuko suppressed an involuntary shudder and stuck close to Iroh.

Azula was looking... she was looking different from how he remembered. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Ursa, he’d seen her just last month but her soft smile made him remember just how much he missed her. Azula scowled at her side, and there was the sister from his memories. She tugged on her mother's sleeve possessively and eyed them both. (That was new. Azula had always mocked him for his attachment to mother.) 

Iroh knelt by the bed, scarlet sheets vibrant against Azulon's pale papery thin skin and washed out hair. Red as blood and just as alarming next to his paleness. Each breath rattled in Azulon's lungs, whatever words he was murmuring to his two sons were stiff whispers interrupted by harsh wracking coughs. 

Strangely enough, Zuko didn’t know when he’d passed. It came and went, hardly noticeable at all. Azulon turned his face toward Iroh, eyes blown wide and he just... ceased to be there.

The candles guttered in their golden candelabrums, Iroh sighed deeply, reached out, and closed his father's empty eyes. 

Everyone turned to face Iroh, and consequently, Zuko half hiding behind him. 

All eyes were on the new Fire Lord, and, his heir.

* * *

Zuko tugged at the golden collar of his white robes and scowled at anyone who stared at him too long. It had been a while since anyone had looked at him like that and he was having a hard time getting used to it again. His hackles raised as he felt someone boring holes into his back. Unfamiliar familiar anger coursed through him and he turned snapping like a frightened Komodo rhino, " _What?!_"

He nearly startled out of his skin as Azula tsked disapprovingly at him, "Oh, Zuzu. You know you need to watch your temper." 

Zuko hissed worriedly, eyes darting around the room, "Azula, we're not supposed to be talking." 

Azula arched one fine eyebrow, stepping closer to her brother, "We aren’t? Azulon is  _dead_, Zuzu. There’s no point." 

Zuko froze, eyes widening, "Oh." He could see mom again. Anytime he wanted! And even Azula, though he worried how she might’ve changed for the worse in the time he’d been apart from her. 

He could see Ozai. 

That wasn’t something he wanted. 

Azula must’ve seen the look on his face and she smirked, "I’m sure father is displeased with you, Zuzu." 

"Why would father be angry?" Iroh hadn’t any reason to be angry, and even if he was, he probably would just sit him down to play pai sho and think about what he’d done. Azula frowned, "Have you really forgotten so quickly? Ozai, dummy." 

Zuko crossed his arms, “Ozai isn’t my father." 

Azula hissed, face contorting, "Ozai  _is_ your father. And now that Azulon's dead he can do whatever he wants with you. He'll probably kill you for your betrayal!" 

Zuko whirled, putting his hands over his ears all his old fears and hurts, his flimsy reassurances returning to him in a flash-  _Azula always lies, "_No! He wouldn’t! Iroh wouldn’t put me back! He _wouldn’t!_" 

Azula opened her mouth, but whatever poison she was about to spit was stuck forever on the tip of her tongue. 

Ursa emerged from the palace, "Azula! What are you doing?"

Azula froze, and a flash of guilt crossed her face. 

Ursa saw her son's pale face and the tears welling up in his golden eyes. Instead of going straight to Zuko, a sick fear pooling in her stomach at her daughter's cruelty, she stood firm, "Azula, what do we say?"

Azula sighed and kicked her feet, eyes flicking up to Zuko and then away, "Sorry."

"And?"

Azula sighed again and muttered quietly, suddenly very interested in her fingers, playing with a small blue flame on her fingertips, "I’m sorry and I didn’t mean any of those things."

Ursa tapped her foot, "_Did_ you mean them Azula?"

Azula pouted, "No."

Ursa knelt, casting a look at Zuko who was watching this exchange with wide surprised eyes, "Then why did you say them, dearest?"

"Because Zuko is supposed to fear me!" Azula stomped her foot petulantly, "That’s just how it is."

Ursa ran a hand over her daughter's head, "Why?" 

"I... I..."

Azula just felt confused. How dare she ask why? Because she said so! 

"Why, Azula?" 

Azula snapped, "Because  father wants Zuko to fear him. He likes it when people fear him."

Ursa's voice was impossibly soft and it both grated and soothed her mind, "Azula, you are not your father. You are better than your father, yes?"

Azula knew the answer to that. She grinned, "Yes!"

"And you love your brother don't you?"

Azula glanced at Zuzu and she was quiet under his curious astonished gaze. She didn’t like him  looking at her like that, with his too bright eyes, like Agni stared back at her from his smooth pale face. 

The voice of mother knocked her out of her thoughts, "Don’t you?"

Azula sighed and answered truthfully, "...Yes." 

Ursa stood and out her hands on her hips, "If you are really better than father, you’d better turn around and apologize to Zuko and mean it."

Azula couldn’t help but feel outraged, "Apologize? To Zuzu?!"

"Yes. You heard me."

Azula threw her hands in the air, "But princesses don’t apologize!" 

Zuko didn’t quite know what to do. He knew what his father would do. He would say a funny proverb that didn't really make any sense and then sip his tea. Maybe that wouldn’t be helpful in this situation. 

There was an intense sort of staring contest between them and then Azula sighed, and snarled, nearly shouting at him with all the ferocity of a lion cat, " _Sorry_ , Zuzu. I’m sure Uncle Iroh wouldn’t kill you. Maybe." 

Ursa lifted an eyebrow, took her sulking daughter’s hand, smiled beatifically at her son and then turned and left, white mourning dress dragging along the grass as she murmured to Azula, "Just because your grandfather has left us does not mean his rules have-“ 

They disappeared into the palace.

Zuko scratched his head. 

Azula didn’t seem to be quite as scary as she had a second ago. 

Her words lingered in the back of his mind, however, clinging like vines trying to drag him into the earth. 

Iroh wouldn’t leave him now that Azulon was dead, would he?  


He wouldn’t give him back to Ozai.... 

Would he?


	2. soft heat

_Iroh and Zuko were playing pai sho.  
_

_Zuko's lips twisted as he sulked in his seat. He didn’t like playing pai sho. _

_Iroh moved the white lotus tile. _

_Agni blazed overhead. _

_Zuko sighed, "How much longer, father? Can’t we do something more fun?"_

_Iroh sipped his tea and spoke, "I’m not your father." _

_Zuko blinked, "What?" _

_Iroh put down his tea and stood, "I’m not your father. And I never particularly wanted to be, Prince Zuko. Now that your grandfather is dead, I’m far too busy to follow his silly decree." _

_The sun pulsed, low and hot and burning red. _

_Zuko's mouth opened and closed, "Fa- father?" _

_And there was a hand on his wrist, nails digging into his skin and cracking his bones. Zuko whirled, trying to get away. Ozai towered over him, teeth bared in a snarl, "You utter disappointment. How  dare you? You’re supposed to be fire bending, not playing pai sho with that old fool." _

_Zuko whimpered, "Please, father, I’m sorry- I didn’t-“ _

_"Don’t cry! Don’t you dare bring  dishonor on the Fire Lord, you pathetic mewling brat." _

_Ozai let go, forcefully throwing him away. _

_Zuko fell and kept falling, into darkness and fire and Agni blazed with fury, Azula  laughed, his mother looked away and sighed in disappointment, and worst of all- Iroh turned and walked away and left him alone in this burning  hell-_

* * *

Zuko awoke with a gasp, throwing his sweat soaked blankets off of him. Tui hung low in the sky, reflecting Agni's might back on the Fire Lord's palace. 

Zuko shuddered, brushing away involuntary tears from his wet cheeks. The prince of the fire nation wasn’t supposed to be crying over a stupid dream. His father would be ashamed. Zuko blinked and a knot twisted up in his chest.  _Ozai_ would be ashamed. Iroh wouldn’t be. 

He hadn’t made a misstep like that for nearly a year. 

Somehow that made him want to cry more. 

Zuko angrily stood, fists clenched and threw open his door. He thought better of it too late, panicked, and shoved his hand between the door and the wall to muffle the bang. His fingers were bruised now and it stung a lot, but at least he hadn’t woken everyone up with the noise of wood slamming against wood in the early morning hours. 

Zuko crept out into the hallway, cradling his quickly purpling hand and peered down the dark corridor. 

He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew he couldn’t stay in that stuffy room any longer. 

His feet carried him to Iroh's door. 

He didn’t want to wake him up over something as silly as this. Zuko worried for a bit as the night waned. Eventually he settled on the floor by the door, eyes sliding closed as he debated internally about going back to his room or going inside. 

Sleep claimed him. 

And seemingly seconds later, he was awoken by a loud thump. Zuko jolted awake, the door wedged into his leg and Iroh peering down at him, holding a candle, the very picture of confused concern. 

All he could see was the looming dark and Iroh's wrinkled face, the first time he’d properly seen him since Azulon's funeral a few days ago. Zuko promptly burst into ashamed tears. 

Iroh knelt down on the dirty floor, gathered his weeping son in his arms, awkwardly long growing limbs and all. He settled them both down in the pool of blankets on the floor of his room.

Zuko buried his face into his father's warm robes, filling his breath with the scent of candle flame. Iroh rumbled gently, feeling his charge's sobs slowly calm into hitching breaths, "What's wrong, Prince Zuko?" 

There was a pause and then he murmured quietly, voice muffled by cloth, "It’s silly." 

Iroh chuckled, "I can hardly hear you, my son. Would you like to come out of there?"

Zuko shook his head quickly. 

Iroh smiled, "Of course. Stay there however long you want."

A few more minutes passed and Iroh watched the turn of the candle evenly. 

Zuko relaxed over time, growing boneless with exhaustion. 

After about twenty minutes of comfortable silence, Zuko blinked sleepily in the candlelight and spoke, "I had a bad dream." 

"Oh?"

Zuko bit his lip and asked, "You’re not... you’re not going to- to give me back to Ozai now that Azulon is gone, are you?" 

"No! Of course not. Why on earth would I give him back something that he does not deserve?" Iroh had a disconcerting thought, "Unless you _want_ to go back-“ 

Zuko shuddered, “No! No, I don’t- Azula said you might not want- oh, I know she isn’t supposed to talk to me- please don’t get her in trouble." 

Iroh frowned at the thought of his lost niece. Sometimes he wished Azulon had taken her from Ozai as well. But then he remembered how much she was like her father. That was a challenge for someone far wiser than he. 

"I won’t tell anyone, Zuko." 

He relaxed again. Iroh asked tentatively, "Is that what the dream was about?" 

Zuko's fingers tightened their hold on his robes, "I forgot how... how scary Ozai was. And I- I was scared you’d leave me. Like Azula said. It’s stupid." 

"No, Prince Zuko. It’s not stupid." Iroh shifted and rubbed his son's back, "Nothing that could scare you so is stupid." He added, "And should you have a dream like that again, I expect you to come get me, no matter how late it is."

Zuko nodded sleepily. 

Iroh smiled fondly and brushed stray hair away from his son's face, "Lets get you to bed now." 

Zuko started awake, words full of fear, "Back to my room?"

Iroh scoffed, "Of course not. You can have a sleepover tonight."

Zuko looked up, "A sleepover? Really?" 

Iroh nodded. Zuko bolted upwards with excitement. Iroh chuckled. He had no idea why children always seemed to get so excited at the prospect of sleeping in a room that was not their own.

Zuko hissed as his hand banged into his side. Iroh frowned and caught his thin wrist, fingers purple and swollen. Iroh asked worriedly, "Zuko, what happened?" 

Zuko blinked, "Oh, I didn’t want the door to slam. So I caught it." He shrugged, "It’s not  that bad." The  _I’ve had worse_ was left unsaid. 

Iroh frowned, "Well, bad or not it still needs to be fixed. First, we'll take care of it and then we'll have a sleepover, yes?"

Zuko nodded and Iroh turned to search for something for his hand. He didn’t know why he’d ever been afraid to talk to him.  Zuko rubbed his bruised fingers together and a small smile bloomed on his tear-stained face. 


	3. scorched earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter isn’t edited as well it’s because I had a twelve hour class today and yesterday so I’m completely wiped XD 
> 
> Also, there’s a very brief sentence that I would say is rated T. It’s just a tiny bit gruesome

Azula hadn't  _meant_ to overhear, well that was a lie, she definitely  _had, _but some part of her was regretting her instinctive eavesdropping habits. She collapsed behind a tree, gasping from her long run. 

She’d overheard her mother talking about her monthly visits to Zuzu. She’d never stopped seeing Zuko, apparently. She’d never truly _had_ her mother, she was still, just as always, Zuko’s. 

_And she always will be, _snarled the voice that sounded like her father.  _Weak and pathetic. They’re made for each other. _

Azula gnashed her teeth, small fingers pulling at her hair. 

_Zuko has always been her favorite. He always will be. You’re just a temporary distraction. She doesn’t love you. She’s never loved you. _

Azula shuddered, clapping her hands over her ears, "Shut up, shut up! Yes she does! You don’t know  _anything!_" 

The turtleducks waddling by the pond startled at her shouts and flapped quickly away. It was for the better that they did 

_You’re nothing. Not in her eyes. Nothing more than a monster that she has to tame._

Azula shrieked, "And you’re mean! Mother loves me, she does!" 

_She doesn’t love you. She fears you. And she should fear you. Everyone should fear you. _

Fire danced on her fingers, "I don’t  want to be feared. I want to be better than you! Better than you’ll ever be! And mother says love is better than fear!" 

_Mother is a weak-willed fool. She deserves to be killed, just like Zuko. Both of them are pathetic-_

Azula snapped, and fire raced around her, sputtering with heat, "I don’t care what you think! Mother and Zuko are  mine, _mine,_ and I will do with them what I want- and I can’t  have them if they’re dead!" 

_Yes, they’re yours. Yours to do with as you wish. Yours to kill. _

The flames brightened, reaching for Agni desperately, towering to hold up the sky, "They're no fun to be around if they’re scared! No fun at all!" 

_They’d be more fun if you took them apart, vivisected them. Open up Zuzu and pry apart his ribs and let out his secrets from their cage. Read them on his still beating heart. What makes mother like him more than you? _

Her hands were back over her ears, "I don’t want you here anymore!" 

_You can’t get rid me, you’ll never get rid of me. I’m part of you._

Azula howled and the courtyard blazed in a blue fire. Soldiers noticed the commotion and ran to inform others that the princess was attempting to burn the palace down. Azula was locked in an internal battle, unaware of the frantic activity she was inciting, "I do what I want! And what I want is for you to  _SHUT UP!"_

The fire  _roared_. 

Something inside her cracked apart and was made new, forged through fire and desperation. 

The flames raged. 

Then with a  whoosh Azula breathed in and lowered her hands. The blue flames went out in an instant. The panicking servants paused. One of the gaping soldiers had dragged Ursa to attend to her suddenly wild daughter, and, at the absence of flame, she ran across the scorched earth, holding her white skirts with her fingers, "Azula! Azula are you alright? What happened?" 

Azula brushed a dark hair out of her face primly and turned to face her mother with a serene smile, the picture of composure painted with lies, "I’m fine mother." 

Azula took Ursa's hand and sniffed daintily, "I don’t know what all the fuss was about." 

The now blackened burnt tree that had been standing in the palace grounds since Sozin's Comet had first appeared begged to differ. 

* * *

Ozai bowed low, too low to not be tinged with subtle mockery. Iroh sighed, "Rise, Ozai. You do not have to bow every time you see me, you know." 

Ozai stood, lips twisted, "A Fire Lord's rank demands proper respect, m'lord." 

Iroh sighed, it was too late in the evening for thinly veiled insults and double speech. Iroh straightened from perusing the maps, "Why are you here?" 

Ozai licked his lips and spoke, "I beg a boon of you, m'lord." 

Iroh raised one bushy eyebrow. Ozai avoided asking for anything, and certainly  never from his older brother, "What do you wish for, Ozai?" 

Ozai tilted his head, "Now that our esteemed father is gone, I ask for one thing. For Prince Zuko." 

Iroh suppressed his vehement negative and with great effort held himself still. Too still. Ozai sensed a misstep as Iroh asked coolly, "Why do you want the boy back? I’d assumed his weakness was a burden on you." 

Ozai wanted to protest, to demand Zuko's return. A failure and a burden yes, but still  _his._ Never _Iroh's_. Zuko was  _his_ flesh and blood and he’d be damned first before he saw Iroh take what was rightfully his, just as he had with the throne. Besides, Zuko was Iroh's only heir and his brother's claim to him was flimsy at best. If he could get Zuko back,  Ozai would be next in line. Unless Iroh sired another troublesome brat, that is. 

Ozai ground his teeth together in frustration, voice strained with the effort of being diplomatic, "I only wish to spare you from the burden of Zuko as well. Now that you are Fire Lord, it would not be wise to have a weakness such as him as your heir." 

Iroh suppressed a snort and returned to surveying the maps, "Have no such fear, Ozai. Zuko is a blessing to the Fire Nation and her people. He is our country's greatest treasure and best hope for the future." 

Iroh lifted his head and stared into his brother's eyes, voice firm and leaving no room for debate, "I have no doubt that he will make a fine Fire Lord one day." 

Ozai swallowed and bowed, "Of course, m'lord." 

Iroh nodded as his brother turned away. 

He wondered how Azula had known that her father would try to take back the prince. He thought of his trembling son, clinging to him like a crab-monkey at the thought of being returned to Ozai. 

He would never let that happen. 

And he would not inform Zuko of what he’d just been asked. The boy did not need that worry clouding his mind right now. 

Iroh returned to his duties. 

Ozai, however, stormed away, fury and hatred bubbling up under skin, angry flames licking at his hands. 

Envy and hate filling him for his Fire Lord. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always my tumblr is here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


End file.
